Rev. Margaret Gillikin, Lead Pastor
By Rev. Margaret Gillikin
Recently, I experienced a bout of overwhelming exhaustion. Three days in a row when I could barely roust myself out of bed long enough to take my dog for potty walks. I wasn’t feeling sick. I just had NO energy…for anything.
My inner critic had lots to say about this, of course. At the end of Day #1, it had me feeling a little guilty; Day #2 brought on the shame; and Day #3 triggered anxiety about some undiagnosed problem that might be lurking. I finally got to feeling more myself and resumed normal activities…but still with some concern about what might be going on.
Eventually, conversations with some long-time friends reminded me that those three days spent in my bedroom-tomb coincided with some anniversaries of significant traumatic events in my life. There’s a much-recommended book called, The Body Keeps the Score. As it turns out, my body most definitely does this! I’ve known for a while that old events can trigger a present-moment response. But it’s another thing to remember such wisdom in the heat of the moment and apply it to oneself.
Which brings me to the point of today’s post. For those who wrestle with guilt and shame—whether brought on by the nagging of an inner critic, remembered childhood scoldings, or any other source—adopting new patterns of behavior can be critical for healing and growth. We may not be able to initially prevent the dive into the guilt/shame spiral. But we can interrupt the spin cycle of dwelling there with some self-acceptance, forgiveness, and kindness.
Years ago, a good friend of mine (who happens to be a therapist) asked me what kinds of things my little voice says to me in those moments. I hadn’t repeated many of the things before she stopped me and exclaimed, “I don’t let ANYBODY talk to my friends that way!” Since then, one of the interrupting thoughts I’ve relied on is to tell myself, “No one talks to Midge’s friends that way!” I always giggle a little over this and am then able to actively pursue implementing other tools that enable me to think more helpfully.
Here's my invitation: if you need to name someone to yourself as an interruption tool, I’m happy to serve in that role for you. “Pastor Margaret says I’m supposed to speak kindly to others, including to MYSELF!” (Or whatever sentence is meaningful to you). Use a friend, a loving relative, a therapist, another pastor, Jesus…whoever works. “Jesus loves me and so do I!” You ARE a beloved child of God.
The more we offer ourselves kindness and compassion, the more we will build new pathways in our hearts and minds that give us exit ramps off of the old superhighways of self-critique. With enough practice, you may discover that you spend shorter and shorter lengths of time in a negative mental space. Eventually, there might even be times you can prevent yourself from entering the guilt/shame spiral to begin with.
Loving ourselves in this way gifts us with the freedom to love ourselves and others more consistently and positively. This is the pathway of Christ’s peace that I pray you can travel more and more often. Blessings! Pastor Margaret